that's how my life feels right now.
there's a fight inside me between growth and a form of authenticity, or is it complacency? i'm sure that this job is not my calling, it takes effort to stay afloat. there's no bottom to tread. but if i stop swimming and keep walking like i'm used to, maybe i won't grow into who i really am either.
im sure there is a way to stay authentic in circumstances that are inauthentic. maybe it's a piece in my life's puzzle. it's just a stage of life. in any case, what lies at the end, if it really is there for me, is worth it. so i'll keep swimming.